dclarion: (Default)
I have been going over things I have written over the years, notably my LJ account upon which the sun is setting, seeking pieces that I might include in my web site.  I was specifically looking for things I might have written in regard to my gender, my transgendered state.  I was quite surprised at what I have so far found; or shall I say, what I have not found so far.  In the two-year period of 2005-2006 that I have so far covered, I have found a single piece concerned with gender or gender expression.  Compare that to this journal, most of its entries in the six weeks of its existence concerned in some way with my transsexuality.  Granted, I opened this journal at a gender-related crossroads; perhaps the gender-related:non-gender-related ratio will decrease as time passes.

What I'm after is this: It seems that, as definitely transgendered as I am, concerns of gender have not dominated my life, as they have the lives of many transgendered folk I know.  Whether this means that I am not a Good Little Transie or that I am a pretty good transie after all, remains to be seen.
dclarion: (Default)
I know a reasonably large number of people like myself, people who wear the labels "transsexual" or "transgendered" or any of a number of others.  A fair number of these people maintain online journals.  Of those, more than a few restrict access to their material on the basis of age or discretionary preference.  I have no qualms with them about what they do or why they do it, but although the entirety of my output here is in some way connected with my transsexuality -- this is, after all, what I am -- I do not place such restrictions on it.

My reasoning is simple: I write here about my everyday life.  There are but a few entries so far -- my journal is still all shiny and new -- but I am sure that there will be entries devoted to my favorite composers, about the kitties that have me twisted around their little fingers, about the bread that I bake, and some hundreds of other things.  There will also be entries concerning my life as a transgendered person.  There will be entries concerning the joys, the liberation, of my finally coming to terms with this and taking the steps necessary to present myself as the person I am.  There will be entries concerning the pain that I face, that all of us transgendered folk face, on the account of who we are.  I have just completed one such post; it is the one previous to this one, the one entitled Always.  For whatever anyone may think of me in this regard, I believe it vital that this information be available to everyone, as far as possible out of the reach of filters of fear.

Dreamwidth may, at some future time, take issue with me.  Should they do so, I hope that we would be able to discuss the issue rationally.  I would hope that they know that they cannot silence me.  I have a web site and I know how to use it, and I am finding myself becoming more public about my second-class -- or perhaps more accurately, twentieth-class -- position in life and the positions of those like me.

The title of this journal, I Am Here, is the title of an address I hope to someday have the opportunity to deliver.  It is an address written in the depths of emotional pain and loss, writing it has helped me heal.  The point of the title is this: I am here, I will not go away, even as much as some would like to have it.  If what I present here can help even one other find the strength to live as he or she is, then that will have been enough, and it will have been enough to justify its availability.

May 2013

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